Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
