Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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