can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
