You made me cry and you don't even care
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
