you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I deserve this hangover.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
