Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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