I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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