So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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