It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you never un-have a 4some
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
