I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
