You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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