what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
