I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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