College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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