Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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