I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
