After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
