If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
