I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
