just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
