I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
