The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
