Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
