i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
3 2 1 whiskey
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
