The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm at about main and main street
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
