I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
