Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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