woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
