Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
