You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
