I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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