so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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