If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
