My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
