I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
