Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
