her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
