Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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