my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
