I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
