Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
