If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
