is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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