I cannot find my penis.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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