i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize