bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
