Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
