Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
