you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
