I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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