You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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