people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
