i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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