We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
