Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
