there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Princesses don't give blow jobs
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
