I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
