This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
