Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
