Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
