Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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