I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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