is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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