We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
