I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
