Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I smell like Dick and happiness
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
