Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
