I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
