the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
