I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
