You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
