he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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