yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
