Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
