I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
